8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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