508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she told me i tasted like america
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
