windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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