i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize