Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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