hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
