i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is the prime rib incident all over again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
