i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
