I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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