That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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