so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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