worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
