that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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