Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
