You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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