You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
