Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
