Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
