Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
