I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize