so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
