she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
