Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
