Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You pole danced in your parka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
