i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
