First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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