so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
