just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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