I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
