Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
