I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
