He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
