there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
