what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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