even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
