My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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