how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
