if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
