I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
