you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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