he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
