she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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