Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
