based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
