if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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