i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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