those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He better not be in your backpack
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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