There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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