I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
