that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
