I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
