So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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