we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
