sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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