I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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