I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
