woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
