Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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