Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
