Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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