Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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