HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
