this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
