My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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