I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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