so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We named our party play list daddy issues
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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