I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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