Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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