bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the liver wants what the liver wants
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
